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  • Mum: *walks in while I'm cleaning* Did you want a vanity to replace your old desk?
  • Me: How do I feel about mirrors at night?
  • Mum: You're afraid of them.
  • Me: Does that answer your question
  • Mum: Yes *closes door*
So this is the accuracy of my life … then she texted back telling me she’d be arriving home in a strech limo … bloody fuck

So this is the accuracy of my life … then she texted back telling me she’d be arriving home in a strech limo … bloody fuck

So, my parents came to the Rocky showing tonight

rockyhorrorpictureshowpics:

That was

Um

Welp

Yeah

At least I was Mags intead of Trixie

So this fucking happened

So Mum got me a custom made blanket and I’m in love

So Mum got me a custom made blanket and I’m in love

So, being as blind as I am, I couldn’t see a picture. It was a man with his shirt up and I thought that he perhaps had a tattoo. So, being a stupid idiot, I made the picture larger. It was a man showing his penis …  so naturally I said rather loudly - That’s a penis, that’s a man’s penis. 

From my sister’s room I hear - You’re following the wrong people on that website. You hate penises. 

Anonymous sent: Word: love

What do you know of true love? 
Well, not so much as you, perhaps, but not so little as you might think. 
You? You loved someone? 
It was a brief flicker of light amidst an ocean of darkness. 

*Coughs* Sorry.

I suppose I can say that I hold many a love for many people, but I am not in love with anyone. I have thought I have been, but that has only led to heartbreak. I always look to my parents when I try and figure things out. My Mum once said to my Dad, “You are the love of my life, I could never be without you.” (I’m honestly crying as I write this). If I ever find love half as amazing as theirs, I’ll be forever happy.

Be well, kind anon.

~A

  • Mum: Hey, how would you feel about getting a smartphone?
  • Me: *Shrugs* Do I get to keep my number?
  • Mum: You should. I mean, it'd be nice to have a smartphone, yours doesn't have unlimited texting.
  • Me: Mum, as long as I keep my number, I don't give a shit.
  • Mum: You're not a normal child.
  • Me: Nope!

A compilation of my favourite ‘little stories’ from tumblr.

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5

  • Me (watching telly): SWEET BABY JESUS! SHE'S A BITCH!!
  • My Dad: And why are you screaming?
  • Me: Because, Because, FEELS. People are assholes
  • Dad: You sure are your mother's daughter
"Go scratch a fucking tree. At least act like a normal cat!"
— My Dad to our cat scratching the side of our house
I just came across my Mum’s senior picture. :3

I just came across my Mum’s senior picture. :3

While still being on the drugs given to me from the dentist after having my wisdom teeth removed, I told my Dad that if he and my Mum ever got a divorce, I would smother his new wife in her sleep, bury the body in the woods and send him the head.

A compilation of my favourite ‘little stories’ from tumblr.

- Part 1 || Part 2

  • Dad: *Picks up an M&M he dropped five minutes ago and eats it*
  • Me: Did you really just eat that?
  • Dad: I have an immune system.
  • *My 94 year old great grandmother had just passed out cookies to the grand-kids and my sister dropped hers*
  • Sister: Mine fell of the floor.
  • Gram: You have an immune system; pick it up, eat it, and stop bitching about it.